I'll Meet You At The Cemetary Gates...Keats And Yeats Are On Your Side: February 2006

Feeling A Bit Better Ta Debbie + Dan

[Current Mood:] Pretty A-ok for now
[Listening To:] the dog chewing the door

Im feelin alot better thanks kid you really made my day, you two are some of the bestest buds i could ever ask for, don't ever forget that, and if you're ever in a pickle you just ask Dr. Emmy Fay and she'll listen! you lot mean the world to me :) thanks for being there all those times,just know that you can count on me too if you ever need to, cheerio chaps, Im off to fiddle around with my fangled LJ lol

Tired, Sad and Scared

[Current Mood:] Very very very Sad, tired and a bit freaked out
[Listening To:] The incessant drone of the pc

Today was really fun. Chris came and spent the day with me yesterday unbeknownst to my parentals, who found out anyway cause dad saw me and him get into my grandads car to go back to my place lol they were suprisingly good about it lol, they even cracked Jokes about it which really fucken scared me lol, im not even being punished for it! LE-SWEET AS SHIBBY! :)
Damn, no news so far on the Emmy Fay Looking For Employmet Front, Im gunna go apply for the petstore as soon as i get the opportunity, I need to go around Morwell some more cause so far I've only really applied for placed in Traralgon and Churchill, fuck I'll go work in Moe if i have to i mean a job's a job and there's none down here right now ANYWHERE, its not the fact that people are shafting me its the fact that that theres no real postitions out there at the moment and two when there are jobs and i apply for them i doubt the fact that they think im no good anymore ive come to realise its more the fact that they'd have to pay me alot more cause Im 18, Sian's got a job working at Inferno now so maybe when i get my RSA i'll apply for like there, Inferno, Ryan's and shit like that, though Mum being mum would want me to do the Churchill pub or the Yinnar one or something to save me money, she just doesn't want me to move in with Chris for the time being i think. I know her hearts in the right place and that she's actaully right for all the reasons why she wouldnt want me to, i just wanna get out of here, Ive spent too long being a bum, not out of choice mind you, its not fair!
My mother made another great decision for me, she decided that it would be a better idea that i go on The Pill cause she doesn't want anything fucking up my art career (anything meaning she doesn't want to have me living under her roof as a teenage mother). I don't even want to go on it! well i do cause its conveinient and better in the long run but i mean i don't really want to be fucking with my body like that, i read the thing inside the box and my god id never seen so many unpleasant side effects, that take at least 3 months to dissapear! its all kind of scary : ( I know its gunnabe the better decision to make in the long run but errrrrrrrggggghhhhhh like i want and need to grow up but everything has suddenly hit me all at once - Chris moving out and wanting me to come too, Uni, my folks buying me a manual car and me not knowing how to drive it properly but need to before Uni starts cause they all work and cant get me there, having to deal with the possibility of missing one of those tiny little tablets and landing me and Chris in some hot water, not having any money to support myself arrrrgh i dont even care anymore im too tired......

My cat has been missing for over 2 weeks now, she's not coming back, i think the foxes got her, its not fair, ive lost my best friend, she was so old and fragile, so small, she couldn't have done anything to save herself, there's about 5 families of foxes around our house....i just hope if they got her, it was quick and she wasn't in alot of pain....my poor Georgie-fay, i'll never get to cuddle you again, i'll never see you hanging around my feet when i paint anymore, i'll never get to laugh at you hanging upside down from my window fly-wire making a hell of a racket at 2 in the morning, i'll never hear you meowing at the door, Bomber-Fay will have no-one to snuggle up to when he goes to sleep, i'll never be able to hear you purring in my ear next to me at night again, or feel your little heart beating against my chest when we cuddle, i just hope that wherever you happen to be, that you're ok and know that i miss you, and if you're up there, i hope you and Nan are taking care of one another....

.......ive just realised something.....

Im a month late. Fucking Brilliant.

Im beyond caring anymore

[Current Mood:] so very very fucking depressed
[Listening To:] The rain hitting the roof

I don't know if life can get any fucking worse right now. Ive got cold feet about Uni and have had since I found out i got in, this is fucking horse shit. Chris can't get rent assistance anymore because he lives in te same town as his parents, his fucking mean bastard father said that once he's out he can't come back because if he fucks his life up its his fault and not to expect any help from him, apparently his mother is starting to side with his dad about things and he's had enough of both of them, he doesn't know how the hell he's going to be able to buy food for himself or at least get it home on account of him not having a car or a license (by the way debbie congratulations on getting your p's man well done, at least things are looking up for ya still mate : ) this is bullshit, i can't fucking find a job anywhere so it looks like Chris is stuck living alone for a long time until someone thinks im any good at life, which will probably take a very long time, i was thinking of re-applying for that Waverly Distribution Group out of desperation but guess what? I CAN'T WORK THE FUCKING HOURS BECAUSE IM A FUCKING ART STUDENT! I DON'T CARE ABOUT SODDING UNI ANYMORE I COULD GO BACK WHEN IM OLDER AND PAINT ANYWAYS WHILE I WORK FUCKING HELL THE FEES ARE DUE TOMORROW! Im....just so so..damn tired and stressed out, i can't even begin to imagine how shit Chris is feeling right now having to do it all alone, at least he'll be making more money now cause he asked Adrain for more shifts because people are quitting at Pizza Hut, I put my resume in there too but i doubt I'll get anywhere, i can't stop crying now this fucking hurts, why can't i ever do anything right and why do my parents have to be such fucking hard arses about me and Chris' relationship? its not even about the bed thing anymore i dont fucking care about that, Dad says i can do whatever i like with my life, he wants me to go to uni though i will because i have to, if theres anything i want its to keep dad happy i don't care about mum she can be so fucking callous about everything, I tell her one place is taking on people to work, she shoots me down and tells me to work at KFC, I tell her everyone told me not to work there because they treat you like dirt thats why theres always so many vacancies, and that im against what they do to their chickens, she tells me she doesn't care and that "You'll do it" i tell her no and it starts all over again, i get picked on every fucking day by my family for not having a job to go to, yet im trying as hard as i possibly can its not my fault that im not what they're looking for/there arent any positions available at the moment, why can't they just leave me be? i dont even have my P's yet on account of both my parents working and no-one can take me driving to practice, i know its not their fault that they have to work but i mean fucking hell all i wanna do is get outta here, at least my dad is being great about things, i had the best talk to him last night in regards to my future, he's fine with me moving out, as soon as i get a job and save up enough to keep me going i can go whenever i like.........but i don't have a job. Im off to cry now. goodbye.

Doyle on crack

Evilive

awesome bananas

Glen

love the shirt

wicked cool

"Your Prejudice Won't Keep You Warm Tonight"

[Current Mood:] Tired and worrying about what to cook for tea

[Listening To:] "Scream" The Misfits....and the washing machine

I just got off the phone to Chris, he's off to inspect those houses that him and his mum enquired about yesterday, turns out that if they're available to move into he's moving in as soon as possible, his off to go shopping with his mum too to get him a new bed, if he ends up getting that place on Heather Grove, it has a spare bedroom so he's pretty pumped, he says if he's lucky enough to get it he wants to turn in into his jam room or studio or something, and when i move in with him he said we can just have it as a studio with a bed in it lol. Apparently John and Delore are giving him heaps and heaps of things for when he moves out, so he's prgressivley getting happier and happier as the day drags on. He said that even if i don't move in straight away he wants me to spent the first night in there with him so he doesn't get lonley, one cause he misses me and two his TV is broken so go figure, I don't think my mum will have a problem with it, well if she does i don't bloody well care im going even if its just for one night i mean whats the harm? At least if i do we can finally share a bed, like we already did at his place but when he came over we couldnt even share a room, cause my parents are shit cunts and believe that its impossible to have two young adults who only want to share a bed to talk and to be close to one another, not even in a suss way, as if we'd have the gaul to try anything with my mum in the same house! i don't even know if dad cares anymore cause he loves Chris to bits, so does mum but if she's trying to "protect" me

i mean fuck im 18 already bite me!

*sigh*

i don't care anymore

i just want a job so i can get out of here!

i rang up Charcoal Chicken before and the chick said to bring in my resume so we'll see how that goes.....

Dammit im tired......

I wonder what i should cook for tea...?

"If I cut of your arms

and cut off your legs,

would you still love me

anyway?

If you're bound

and you're gagged

drapped and displayed

would you still love me

anyway?

Why don't you love me anway?"

- Misfits "Helena"

[Current Mood:] Ehhhh
[Listening To:] "What Difference Does It Make?" - The Smiths

My day hasn't been very eventful, i was supposed to finish my enrollment details for Monash but I can do that tommorow. Chris just called and told me that he's moving out as soon as possible, his mum's trying to help him get away from his dad, who quite frankly isn't being very pleasant to him at the moment, hopefully everything works out, as soon as I find a proper job I should be able to move in with him, which will be wonderful but unfortunatley these things take a bit of time.I couldn't be more bored at the moment, I've been home alone all day and I've done absolutley nothing, im still in my pjs, though i plan to get changed before my mum comes home so she doesn't have a shit fit at me *sigh*, oh well I don't even think I care....all I want to do right now is play my bass but it's at Chris' house and so is my other guitar dammit. I think i might go start a painting soon just for the hell of it im so bored....hmmmm, im off to make hotdogs and see if Joel is online yet...

mums rose

Clash it up!

one of my most favourite photos ever

great photo, ledgend

heheheh cobras

stummer, uber brill

i love the guy wo makes these, alas i can't remember the site name so i can't steal more

Dropkick Murphies

brilliant

rad-u-lar!

Monday, 6 February 2006
3:04 PM

[Current Mood:] That warm, bored feeling you get only on rainy days in your pjs
[Listening To:] "The Forbidden Zone" - The Misfits

Chris burnt me The Misfits "Famous Monsters" album. It hasn't left my CD Player/discman. I love it. Im listening to Chris tell me about this gnarly weird dream he had last night, he was a drug dealer and he was selling this weird shit in silver nose inhailer things to the rats from The Muppet Show down on the docks, and his accomplices were the bad guys in the red shirts from "Ducktales"....mind you earlier today he fell over coming home on his skateboard and might of hit his head, poor thing : (

My cat keeps being a real terry and biting me and stuff, wanker.

Its so boring over here right now, all ive done today is dance wildly around the kitchen yelling Misfits lyrics into a broom handle while cleaning up the kitchen, the pinnacle of excitment over here let me tell you. I definatley need to get my hands on some more Misfits stuff, Chris if you can see this you rock, so very very harcore, you're like Numero Uno in my Special People Box, followed very closely by Debbie, oh where would i be without the random conversations we have? A: Shriveled up in the corner like the pathetic stupid small-brain that i am most likely, DANCE DEBBA DANCE! Dude, Hope all goes well with the AFL thing man, you'll do just fine, i say go for it, nothing to lose everything to gain, this is the year of new beginings, don't be scared cause opportunities run away from you when you get scared or disheartened, don't let the commie facist bastards win!!!! We're bigger than them! *Emily realises that she doens't really know who she's yelling at* SCREW YOU YA GIANT SEAGULL PHONE HEADS!!!!! *Spits on ground*

In other news im still unemployed and rabidly looking for work, as always, maybe i should start painting again to bring in a bit of money, it seems to have all dried up, i gotta actually get back into making art for the hell of it instead of waiting for people to ask me to make it, get more money that way cause obviously i can sell shit faster than i can paint so i'll give that another right royal try and see how we go.

I think i better be off now and doing something useful, like cleaning this godforsaken house and printing off more resumes and shit of that nature, or getting ideas for paintings and stuff enabling me to actually paint and sell things to make money, well i can take alot of pride in the fact that in regards to my artwork, money still takes a backseat, i'll always do it for the love of art itself, not for the financial gain involved, sure its a bonus, but for me its still and will remain an expression of self, as soon as i become a money hungry tyrant i'll know that it's time to stop painting cause it will be pointless, theres no soul in that.
im off, be back later, things to see, people to do : /

Laters,
Emmy Fay