I'll Meet You At The Cemetary Gates...Keats And Yeats Are On Your Side

Im beyond caring anymore

[Current Mood:] so very very fucking depressed
[Listening To:] The rain hitting the roof

I don't know if life can get any fucking worse right now. Ive got cold feet about Uni and have had since I found out i got in, this is fucking horse shit. Chris can't get rent assistance anymore because he lives in te same town as his parents, his fucking mean bastard father said that once he's out he can't come back because if he fucks his life up its his fault and not to expect any help from him, apparently his mother is starting to side with his dad about things and he's had enough of both of them, he doesn't know how the hell he's going to be able to buy food for himself or at least get it home on account of him not having a car or a license (by the way debbie congratulations on getting your p's man well done, at least things are looking up for ya still mate : ) this is bullshit, i can't fucking find a job anywhere so it looks like Chris is stuck living alone for a long time until someone thinks im any good at life, which will probably take a very long time, i was thinking of re-applying for that Waverly Distribution Group out of desperation but guess what? I CAN'T WORK THE FUCKING HOURS BECAUSE IM A FUCKING ART STUDENT! I DON'T CARE ABOUT SODDING UNI ANYMORE I COULD GO BACK WHEN IM OLDER AND PAINT ANYWAYS WHILE I WORK FUCKING HELL THE FEES ARE DUE TOMORROW! Im....just so so..damn tired and stressed out, i can't even begin to imagine how shit Chris is feeling right now having to do it all alone, at least he'll be making more money now cause he asked Adrain for more shifts because people are quitting at Pizza Hut, I put my resume in there too but i doubt I'll get anywhere, i can't stop crying now this fucking hurts, why can't i ever do anything right and why do my parents have to be such fucking hard arses about me and Chris' relationship? its not even about the bed thing anymore i dont fucking care about that, Dad says i can do whatever i like with my life, he wants me to go to uni though i will because i have to, if theres anything i want its to keep dad happy i don't care about mum she can be so fucking callous about everything, I tell her one place is taking on people to work, she shoots me down and tells me to work at KFC, I tell her everyone told me not to work there because they treat you like dirt thats why theres always so many vacancies, and that im against what they do to their chickens, she tells me she doesn't care and that "You'll do it" i tell her no and it starts all over again, i get picked on every fucking day by my family for not having a job to go to, yet im trying as hard as i possibly can its not my fault that im not what they're looking for/there arent any positions available at the moment, why can't they just leave me be? i dont even have my P's yet on account of both my parents working and no-one can take me driving to practice, i know its not their fault that they have to work but i mean fucking hell all i wanna do is get outta here, at least my dad is being great about things, i had the best talk to him last night in regards to my future, he's fine with me moving out, as soon as i get a job and save up enough to keep me going i can go whenever i like.........but i don't have a job. Im off to cry now. goodbye.

posted by Emmy Fay @ Thursday, February 09, 2006